Anchored

The most depressing weekend of my life.

I know I have been complaining about my packed weeks filled with tests on tests on tests, squeezing in some validations, and just preparing to care for my patient at clinical each week. You probably think that the weeks couldn't get any worse. Surprise, they do. 

Updating my family has been on my blog list since November started...almost two weeks ago. Studying usually takes precedence over this though.

Friday I failed my Adult Health test. Med Surg started off as one of my strongest classes this semester, but this past test I didn't just fail, I failed miserably. Not even close to the 76 that is required for all nursing tests. I wallowed in unbelief that everything I had ever worked so hard for had suddenly been put in jeopardy and didn't want to do anything or talk to anyone. 

I cried, slept, lounged, ate, did some online retail therapy, and suffered in sadness.

I went through all my backup plans, thought about which schools I would apply to if I had to move back home, wondered why I am putting myself through this stress, and thought a lot.

But would you know that we had a test again today, meaning that it was absolutely necessary to start studying once again. 

I spent my entire weekend prepping for the Pharm test today and I at least passed that one. 

All weekend I was tired. Tired of picking up one subject after another in preparation for endless questioning of my knowledge ( or lack thereof )

Saturday my dad called and I didn't answer because I didn't want to talk to anyone. 

He told me that he and ma would be coming down for church and brunch the next morning, and there were to be no ifs ands or buts about it.

I decided they probably thought I was mentally unstable and that I better get my act together.

Ma, Pa, and Nathanael made the trek down for church and I was abundantly blessed by their little visit. 

Thanael always makes me toughen up and Pa tells it how it is.

God used the message at Palos CRC to slap me across the face and wake me up. 

Rest. 

I've been trying to do this whole nursing thing all on my own. 

Sure, I rely a lot on my tutor and tutor group, friends, professors, classmates. 

But ultimately leave it up to myself to try and persevere through all this madness, seriously, pure madness.

Rest. 

You all know that my favorite place in the world is the lake. 

On the beach, on the pier, in the boat, on the water, in the cottage, by the fire, love it all.

Maybe that's why Hebrews 6:19 is my favorite verse. 

I can relate to the idea of an anchor keeping us in place when we dive off the back platform of the boat into the unknown 200 some feet of Green Lake.

It comes from the certainty of God's promise.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."

I am diving, into something I have no idea what the outcome will be. 

I can only rest knowing that God is anchoring me, somehow, some way.

Rest. 

PS- Thanks to all of my family and friends who have encouraged me.

Your love has shaped me and given me a second wind until I can breathe over Thanksgiving.

Salsa, encouraging words, cookies, texts, Bible verses, you all are a blessing.