Never Confuse a Single Defeat with a Final Defeat

I blinked and all of a sudden Thanksgiving break was over.

I got to see Nathanael and my family basically every day. I forgot all interests of homework until Sunday, ate enough for 15 whole people, and showed the world how to shop.

I had never looked forward to Thanksgiving as much as I did last Tuesday. I got to leave after my lab simulation and enjoyed an extra night at home. 

Coincidentally my sisters half day of school on Wednesday got cancelled and we spent the day at home together. 

I also got to have coffee with Lyss, Dev, and Kayt. There could never be enough time to talk and catch up. 

I spent Thanksgiving in Waupun and then decided to round up the troops and go out Black Friday shopping. Thursday at 8 we hopped in Grams van and dropped Bec and Lyss off at Walmart to get in line for Mark and Anj's 60 inch TV for their newly finished basement. The boys and I braved Sears for some tools and Nathanael bought a tool chest. It was an interesting ride home with two huge tool box pieces and a TV in the back of the van with 5 people squished into the front and one middle seat, poor Dave had to sit on the floor.

I missed seeing my family in Oostburg and the jokes that come outta Grandma Schaap's mouth. I was happy to receive a call from Avery saying "Hi Danielle, I'm thankful for you!" 
I'll see all you Hoffmanns at Christmas!

Friday morning was the annual grandgirls and Gram go to the mall day. I woke up at 6 and suddenly found myself making coffee in Gram's kitchen with my towel on, then I remembered I was in town and normal people wear clothes. After finally waking up and getting to Appleton the deals were flowing. I think all of us spent a little more than we anticipated but I'm an anxiously awaiting Christmas Eve at Gramps and Grams to open my gifts that I will be surprised to get. : )

As I got back to school on Sunday I realized the road ahead of me, it's going to be a lot of work to finish out the semester. However, a round of 'lasts' is starting already. I'm finished with Health Assessment lab and lecture and clinical! (PS-I have no clinical or lab on my birthday next Wednesday so feel free to come visit me :) 

Next week brings my final health assessment validation, final therapeutics validation, and final medsurg exam. I already had my first nightmare that I didn't bring a note card to final validation and started crying because I knew I would fail, thank goodness that was just in my sleep. I've had a lot of defeats this semester, along with a lot of successes, there is no finality in what I've done yet but I'm already studying for my finals and Lord willing that will go a long ways!

 

Anchored

The most depressing weekend of my life.

I know I have been complaining about my packed weeks filled with tests on tests on tests, squeezing in some validations, and just preparing to care for my patient at clinical each week. You probably think that the weeks couldn't get any worse. Surprise, they do. 

Updating my family has been on my blog list since November started...almost two weeks ago. Studying usually takes precedence over this though.

Friday I failed my Adult Health test. Med Surg started off as one of my strongest classes this semester, but this past test I didn't just fail, I failed miserably. Not even close to the 76 that is required for all nursing tests. I wallowed in unbelief that everything I had ever worked so hard for had suddenly been put in jeopardy and didn't want to do anything or talk to anyone. 

I cried, slept, lounged, ate, did some online retail therapy, and suffered in sadness.

I went through all my backup plans, thought about which schools I would apply to if I had to move back home, wondered why I am putting myself through this stress, and thought a lot.

But would you know that we had a test again today, meaning that it was absolutely necessary to start studying once again. 

I spent my entire weekend prepping for the Pharm test today and I at least passed that one. 

All weekend I was tired. Tired of picking up one subject after another in preparation for endless questioning of my knowledge ( or lack thereof )

Saturday my dad called and I didn't answer because I didn't want to talk to anyone. 

He told me that he and ma would be coming down for church and brunch the next morning, and there were to be no ifs ands or buts about it.

I decided they probably thought I was mentally unstable and that I better get my act together.

Ma, Pa, and Nathanael made the trek down for church and I was abundantly blessed by their little visit. 

Thanael always makes me toughen up and Pa tells it how it is.

God used the message at Palos CRC to slap me across the face and wake me up. 

Rest. 

I've been trying to do this whole nursing thing all on my own. 

Sure, I rely a lot on my tutor and tutor group, friends, professors, classmates. 

But ultimately leave it up to myself to try and persevere through all this madness, seriously, pure madness.

Rest. 

You all know that my favorite place in the world is the lake. 

On the beach, on the pier, in the boat, on the water, in the cottage, by the fire, love it all.

Maybe that's why Hebrews 6:19 is my favorite verse. 

I can relate to the idea of an anchor keeping us in place when we dive off the back platform of the boat into the unknown 200 some feet of Green Lake.

It comes from the certainty of God's promise.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."

I am diving, into something I have no idea what the outcome will be. 

I can only rest knowing that God is anchoring me, somehow, some way.

Rest. 

PS- Thanks to all of my family and friends who have encouraged me.

Your love has shaped me and given me a second wind until I can breathe over Thanksgiving.

Salsa, encouraging words, cookies, texts, Bible verses, you all are a blessing.